Weird Parent Demands? Go With the Flow

A coach asks what to do when the parent is demanding to be the gatekeeper. Do you agree with our recommendation? What would you do?...

The term “helicopter parents” gained steam over a decade ago, and even though the definition has changed a little over time, the reality remains the same: There are a lot of parents of your athletes and prospects who are… hmm, what’s the right word?… “challenging”.

A coach reached out about one of those challenging parent situations that nearly every program runs into several times a year, and wanted our take on it. Here’s his situation:

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Your challenging parent story may differ, but the spirit of what this coach is going through probably sounds familiar, right?

Let’s also separate situations just a bit: The advice we’ve going to give now will be specifically for a prospect you are recruiting, not an athlete you are currently coaching. We’ll approach that topic down the road.

In every case of a challenging parent of a recruited prospect, there are some common denominators:

• A coach who wants the athlete, with a challenging parent wanting to be part of the process in an unusually involved way.

• A parent who has probably always been a challenge to the coaches in their athlete’s life prior to the recruiting process.

• A coach who has to decide whether or not the athlete is worth the added effort it’s going to take to go through the process with this added hurdle.

• A parent who very often gravitates to the coach and program who indulge their needs during the recruiting process. (But what about when the athlete comes to our program, Dan?!? I don’t want them thinking they can have the same access and attention when their son or daughter is part of my program!” I know, Coach…like I said, we’ll get to that in the next article)

How to approach The Challenging Parent situation

Here was the advice we gave the coach, based on more than two decades of implementing and tracking this specific recruiting situation:

• If coaches don’t include these parents, nothing happens in the process. That’s the first thing to consider: Is it worth it to you to gain the talents of this particular prospect? You control that part of the process - you decide who you recruit, and who gets on your roster. If a challenging parent is too much for you, don’t put yourself through the agony. Simple as that.

• If you move forward, you will probably have a big advantage over other competitors if you follow this process. How? Lots of other coaches are going to decide not recruit the prospect based on this parent’s demands, which reduces competition. And, even if a coach does move forward, they are probably going to go through the process like they would a prospect with a non-challenging parent. You approach it the right way, they approach it the wrong way. Advantage, you.

• Initially, the parent becomes your primary contact. I know you don’t want to do that, but just be patient, Coach. We’re playing out the process here, and that involves a few extra steps on your part. When you talk to challenging parents, let